Come Back to the O’s and Sign

It’s that time again: the Orioles have done precious little for us to talk about (unless you can find more ways to say “go get pitching” or “man, losing Britton is a big deal”), so we’ve been forced to put some #content together.

You made us do this, Orioles. You made us do this.

This year, for our Christmas musical selection, we’ve taken a traditional holiday song that completely misunderstands the concept of consent and mixed it with a front office that completely misunderstands what the Manny Machado market looks like.

So without further ado, please “enjoy” Come Back to the O’s and Sign.

And for our pal Derek Arnold, who keeps asking for such things, here are the lyrics:

I really can’t stay (come back to the O’s and sign)

The owner won’t pay (come back to the O’s and sign)

My time in this town (been hoping your price would d drop down)

Has been so nice (think of your knees, they’ve blown out twice)

My agent will start to worry (fans will riot, there’ll be fury)

My family’s been pacing the floor (listen, to the Roar from 34)

At least go get some prospects back (I’m just a front office hack)

Maybe just a half a season more (set some records in Baltimore)

These talks should be shelved (the market is slow out there)

Say what’s in this B12? (you risk the unknown out there)

I wish I knew how (you’re on the brink of stardom now)

To be more clear (please take a home-town discount here)

I clearly said “no, no, no” (drop your price so we get closer)

At least make a legitimate try (we’ve got no organizational pride)

I really can’t stay, and (Manny don’t hold out)

Come back to the O’s and sign

I simply must go (come back to the O’s and sign)

The answer is no (come back to the O’s and sign)

Your offer has been (we’ve been lucky that you have been)

Well, pretty lame (a top-ten talent in our game)

The Union says be ambitious (our spending must be judicious)

The players will be hoping for more (we can’t afford a bidding war)

I want a deal done by Christmas (cautious pacing is our business)

But maybe just an offseason more (and as we know, it will be a bore)

Arrange a fair swap (there are taxes and fees out there)

Let me play shortstop (and worse the Yankees are out there)

You’ve one last chance (deferred payments by chance?)

But don’t you see? (how can you do this thing to me?)

I simply want my fair wages (think of our long dark ages)

Where I go I hope I get pied (our reputation in the game’s fried)

I really can’t stay, and (Manny, don’t hold out)

Come back to O’s

Come back to the O’s and sign

By the way, for the sweet Manny Machado Ugly Christmas Sweater from the featured image, check out Fresh Brewed Tees.